Week 3!!

Apocoliptic Uh-0
Apocalips WOW 0 & Taunt win
Cute Cute Cute 12

Hello Kitty was undeniably cute, but Apocolips seven deadly sins of cute and bow-wow Jasper was even cuter for the taunt win. Just don’t ask what happened to that Snickers bar. A-WOW made some amazing catches and spectacular near catches, but couldn’t stop the pink onslaught of Cute’s slides at home. Cute’s 3rd baseman Mike stopped every ball that came his way for the shut out.

99% of the Protest
Ball Street 17
Kickelodeon 3 & Taunt win

Kickelodeon went big with an all out Occupy Ball $treet protest for the taunt win. But Ball $treet seriously occupied the game for a personal team record of 17 runs. Kickelodeon finally got on the board with a RAD home run! If you missed the Ball $treets taunt because you were protesting, check out the video on Facebook. Funny stuff! Kicks at Night and a puckered a-hole!

After the games, we all went to the White Rabbit to protest sobriety and good choices by singing many songs and drinking many drinks.

Death Defying & Ticket Dodging
Team Isis 10 & Taunt Win
Lets Play Doctor 2

Death Therapy for delusional spies v a Team Isis taunt that won. I missed the winning taunt because I had to run and talk my way out of a parking ticket for one of our very dedicated umps who said “ticket be damned I must judge this taunt!” But it must have been good because Dr. Pixel dispensing Death Therapy to their martyr, I mean volunteer, Scottie was quite entertaining. For the game, Team Isis took their Death Therapy like a good patient should. Returning WKL veteran Mike threw himself at the ball and at Isis players to hold them to an 8 run lead, but Team Isis defied death for the double W.

Seriously, WKL, the parking people are out and about so check the signs!

Shots shots shots shots shots!
Hot Tub Taunt Machine 9 & Taunt Win
Capwned 8

Capwned time traveled way way back -to the 90′s (bad tunes, short stop), the 80′s (encountering Anthony looking EXACTLY the same as he does today and dropping off Tina in her 80s “home”), and finally all the way to the origins of kickball and a very pissed off Sam Ali Capwned. Don’t break into Sam’s hot tub!!! Lesson learned.

Hot Tub Taunt Machiners were behind on their kickball dues and Cawpned came to collect!! Since we spent all our money on our sweet hot tub, we dispatched our HTTMen to take care of the Capwned leadership and their college students. Death by Nintendo fish, flour overdose, shots! shots! shots! and suffocation by trunk of car ensued for the taunt win.

HTTM pulled ahead with an early lead, but were held by Jasmine’s killer pitching and Liz’s awesome catching at first as Cawpned steadily tied up the game! Luckily (for my team) in extra innings Jeni caught all the balls at third to shut them down and rookie HTTMer Derek kicked a triple and was brought home by fellow rookie Mark for the win. Thanks for a great game and taunt Capwned!!

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Week 2!!

I’M SO ANGRY I MADE A SIGN!
Murrays 8 & taunt win
Ball $treet 1

The Murrays pulled out all the stops and some very angry signs to take down Ball $treets paid comedian for the taunt win. It was hard to see the game from the hot tub, but I did see some sweet catches from Ball $treets outfield. But the Murrays just kept rounding the bases for the win!

TINA TINA TINA!
Apocolips Wow 7 & taunt win
Hot Tub Taunt Machine 13

The Hot Tub Taunt Machiners brought John Cusack, Jesus, skies on the field and the electric slide. Apocolips Wow brought a rupture in the space-time continuum and tons of Tinas for the taunt win. Each team ran the bases like maniacs and I recall at least one home run by Bill on A-WOW, but Hot Tub Taunt Machine triumphed in the end.

On Thursday, WKL officials arrived to the field to find there was no getting around the massive puddles (or our massive hangovers from karaoke madness). But the game must go on, so we threw down bases on the grass, used taunt props to hold up the scoreboard and played away. THANK YOU Thursday teams for being so flexible!

To Catch a Cutie
Team Isis 5 & taunt win
Cute Cute Cute 4

What Cute Cute Cute lacked in number they made up for in cuteness during this incredibly close game. Justin threw people out right and left at home, but enough Isis players crossed the plate to tie the game. Including a slide/skid/somersault from Purkey. In the 5th inning, Jason kicked the ball with all his might and JUST KEPT RUNNING REALLY FAST for a home run to win it for Team Isis.

Who’s Afraid of the Dark? Not Toast Head Guy!
Kickedeon 11 & taunt win
Bad Guys 18 & cookie win

Bad Guys brought us a campfire story, but Kickelodeon’s backwards flying Toastman won the taunt. Please check out the video for Kickelodeon taunt on Facebook because the audio is hilarious! The Bad Guys are still pretty good at kickball, but a magical north wind carried the ball out of right fields reach just enough for Kickelodeon to round the bases 11 whole times!!!

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Opening Day!!

10th Anniversary Season of Awesome is off to a great start. Thank you for one of the best opening days I can remember and for leaving the field looking FANTASTIC! The race is on for the most winningest team, the most loosingest team and the most tauntingest team. Scores are below.

May 31st
Bad Guys -10
Capwned -2 Taunt Win
Murrays -13
Kickelodeon -3 Taunt Win

Cute Cute Cute -16 Taunt Win
Ball Street -11

Hot Tub Taunt Machine -8 Taunt Win
Lets Play Doctor -4

June 2, Opening Day Jamboree of Joy!

Capwned – 6
Apocalips WOW -5 Taunt Win
Kickelodeon – 6 Taunt Win
Hot Tub Taunt Machine – 13
Team Isis – 5 Taunt Win
The Murrays – 4
Lets Play Doctor – 2 Taunt Win
Ball Street – 9
The Bad Guys – 8 Taunt Win
Cute Cute Cute – 4

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10th Anniversary Season of Awesome

Welcome to the dirtiest, sexiest kickball league on the Coast and, quite possibly, on the planet. Our trophies sparkle and yodel. Our uniforms dazzle and excite. Our parties are legendary. Expect to encounter mind bending taunts, spaztastic kickball skills and shenanigans galore.

WestCoast Kickball League was created 10 years ago by a gang of pioneering kickballers seeking something beyond the traditional sporty sports leagues. Each year our WKL Spirit grew as we returned more fantastic and outrageous than ever with marching bands, champagne rooms, dunk tanks, dance teams, jousting matches, beer-a-chutes, party tents, submarines, baked goods and more. What kind of FUN and SPIRIT will you bring to the field this year? It’s time to find out.

 

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WKL vs. Fremont = Everyone wins!

It was a soggy Saturday morning and some Zissou’s, Bourbon St. Ballers and a Former Darkside and 1 Up Yours members mini-paraded a submarine through the streets of Fremont and arrived at the Disco Ball Dance Field Float filled with fellow kickballers dressed in some spectacular Solstice Parade get-ups and ready to rock. And rock we did for the entire parade route with Justin on the megaphone and kept the dance party going well after the parading stopped!

We had tunes blasting, float pole dancing, ribbon twirling and ball kicking for the spectator-packed parade route. Kids loved us as usual and even the grown-ups wanted to kick!! We busted a wheel and it didn’t even slow us down thanks to Hiram and Sam’s solid float construction! Excellent work by the other Solstice Parade Team members: Jo, Jasmin, Nicole, Colleen, Kyle H., Jasmine and everyone else who volunteered time and effort building, decorating and coordinating! Thank you pitchers, fielders, dancers, marchers,  float pushers, CANADIANS! and other out of town visitors for an amazing parading time!

 

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Jingle Juggs taunts 1UpYours…

TWAS THE DAY AFTER X-MAS…

Twas the day after X-mas, and at the North Pole, the elves threw a party after reaching their goal.
(elves hi-five and cheer)

As the night moved along, the party got hot.  Beer pong with 4 Loco and huge bags of pot.
(smoking, ziploc bags, beer pong, & general rowdiness)

The music was bumping, and late in the night, Tinsel Tits screamed, “ORGY TONIGHT!!!”
(humping and moaning starts)

After some lovin’ there arose such a clatter the elves all stopped humping to see what was the matter.
(stop sexy time.  Stand in group and stare.  Santa suit needed!)

There in the doorway, stood ol’ Saint Nick.  Screaming and yelling… man what a prick.
(inaudiable Santa yelling and stomping around)

“What’s going on here?”  The Santy Claws cried.  “Get back to the workshop, or you are all FIRED!”
(elves looking around like what the f###)

Lead elf the Nuge stood up and exclaimed, “FUCK OFF OLD MAN, we’re tired of your games.”

“We bust our asses without even a word.  Now you’re giving us shit, you fat fucking turd?”

“Make your own toys, and shovel raindeer shit. I’m more interested in that naughty elf’s TITS!!!” (Justin tickle) Come on Juggies!” he shouted, and they packed up their shit. (Nuge)
(elves angry and packing porn box. walking around)

So they left the North Pole, and to Fremont they came, to play some kickball, and put you all to shame.
(narrator points at crowd, elves taunt crowd and rub their goodies)

The Jingle Juggs are here and dirty we’ll fight.  Triple X-mas to all, and may your butt-holes be tight.

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Magic Missiles vs. Team Zissou Recap

On an opening jamboree day filled with impressive taunts, those of Magic Missiles and Team Zissou stood out.

The adventurers and brigands of Magic Missiles went on a wacky adventure whereupon they destroyed the fabled sea unicorn, a creature that Team Zissou had been documenting and tracking for an incredibly long and dull 119 minutes. Even their $50 million budget couldn’t help them get there first.

Zissou tracked down the elusive basement-dwelling virgins of Magic Missiles and watched their every move, surely creating a masterful documentary in the process, complete with trademark witticisms.

The judging was very close, each team earning supporters and leaving many on the fence. It took two– then three– then four– and finally five judges to swing the final decision toward Zissou and his cronies.

Out for revenge, the ordinarily tame ‘Missiles blasted off on the kickball field, erupting for 17 [or arguably 18] runs while scoring multiple times every inning. Their defense was stifling, too, holding Team Zissou to one run after the first inning.

Final score: Magic Missiles 17 – Team Zissou 4

MVP of the game: Crystal Leaver // 4-5, 4 runs, 3 RKIs, unstoppable base runner.

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We got some rules!

1. No hitting people in the head, like hard.
2. No “methamphetamine” pitching. The pitcher’s job is to roll the ball over the plate, breezy like a unicorn.
3. At the plate, four foul balls and you’re out. There are no “balls” and “strikes”.
4. No stealing and no lead-offs. You can tag up after a ball is caught in fair territory. If the ball is caught in foul territory, you cannot advance.
5. Respect the No-Go Zone. Catchers need to touch the backstop until the kicker makes contact.
6. No sincere crying, unless you’re passing a kidney stone.
7. The Umpires and Commishes are the Alphas and the Omegas, dude or dudette.
8. FACE KONTROL! Your team needs a uniform, and every member should wear it. “Uniform” can be interpreted how you like, but it should be visible. Matching thongs are nice, but we need to see them.
9. Batting list + field list = a game where another team won’t bitch at you for only playing your 2 meatiest biggest dudes. ROTATE all your players or die.
10. 6 members of your team need to show up to play, otherwise you forfeit a game. Even that is not really enough, spiritually. Three women on the field at all times.
11. The team with the best taunt wins home field advantage. If there’s no taunt, the penalty is an extra out in the 2nd and 4th inning and a taunt forfeit disqualifies a team from the taunt championship.
12. Pack out all recycling and excessive trash. Let’s keep our field and neighborhood image clean and awesome!

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Opening Week!! 2011!!

That's right, Gary. It's time.

Get ready for the summertime of your life. We are spreading the WKL love  beginning June 2nd with games at games at Maplewood in Georgetown and Rogers Field in Eastlake. Saturday June 4th is the official all day kick-off at University Playfield! Expect action, adventure and whatever else your heart desires.  WKL 2011 begins.

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Apron Assault Squad’s epic Mission Implausible taunt

Apron Assault Squad’s winning taunt against Mission: Implausible featured challenges at all four bases and a death-defying final climax. Not to be missed!

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